Guest Entry

WereGirl has enjoyed the stories about her enough that she thought she'd have a go at writing one herself. I can only speculate as to why she wrote it in the third person (because she's nuts?), but she did. Anyway, here it is for your enjoyment.

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A long long time ago, in a land far far away (well ok, maybe not that far) there lived an evil monster Weregirl likes to refer to as the Provincial Offenses Office of Toronto.

The story begins some 2 and a half years ago on a cold dismal night in February. Two days after a lonely valentines day, Weregirl decided to visit her friend crochety in her west end too posh for kind people apartment on the west side of Toronto. Weregirl has a nasty habit of forgetting to put gas in her car, and this night was no different. She heard the echo of her gas guage as it reached empty and she thought to herself, "ahhh...no big deal, I have enough gas to get there and
back...this car has made longer trips on empty before." Yes, despite the fact that Weregirl is aware of her ridiculously bad luck, she still enjoys tempting her arch rival the Fate God, and yes, the Fate God beats her every time! So, Weregirl passed three gas stations on her way to Crochety's house, and spent some 'not so quality time' with Crochety until the wee hours of the morning. Upon her return, Weregirl's car began to lurch...no problem she thought "I'll just put the car in neutral and coast down the hill on lakeshore to the gas station on the other side." So, Weregirl put this brilliant plan in motion, stomped her foot heavily on the clutch, and shifted into neutral. At the time, Weregirl was travelling at a modest speed, however her car quickly accelerated down the hill and in no time she was travelling 30 kilometres above the speed limit. "Wow, this is great" she thought, "at
this speed, I'll be able to make it to the gas station with fumes to spare!!!" Unfortunately for Weregirl, the Fate God wasn't impressed with having been tempted twice in one night, so he decided to retaliate against Weregirl. Just as Weregirl rounded the bend and approached the gas station she saw the twinkle of starlight in her rearview mirror, followed by the colours of the star spangled banner...yep, that's right, the police had clocked her going 30 km over the speed limit at 2 o'clock in the morning, with not a car in sight but hers.

"Are you aware of how fast you were going ma'am?" exclaimed the officer better known as "Chip".

"No officer" Weregirl sheepishly responded.

"Well is there any reason that you were travelling 30 Kilometres over the speed limit ma'am?"

"Actually...." she paused... "I'm out of gas and..." she began to explain, however, Chip's eyes grew thin as he scowled at her lame excuse..."no, really look" Weregirl pointed to her gas guage that was reading below the empty line.

"Yes ma'am, I see that, however your car is off, all cars read empty when they're off, let me see your license and ownership please."

"Honestly officer, its empty" she exclaimed as she turned the ignition key to once again start the car. Weregirl is actually brutally honest, and so although her explanations are often beyond comprehensible, she never softens the truth, no matter how dumb it makes her look and sound; this time, she was cracking the scales on the dense-o-meter. She proceeded to beg the officer to once again poke his head into her car to examine her gas guage. Reluctantly, he did so, and as the Fate God
would have it, she indeed was almost completely out of gas. Chip unfortunately was not overly impressed with Weregirl's stupidity and reiterated his request for her license, ownership and registration.

Weregirl began fumbling around trying to find her paperwork. Naturally, this was no small task. Weregirl has enough clutter in her glove compartment to send Martha Stewart and all of her wanna be compulsively organized cronies to the looney bin for good. Needless to say, Weregirl was not able to produce all of her paperwork and sure enough, more annoyed then ever, Chip left the car in a huff. He returned to her car with 3 tickets, one for each piece of paperwork that she was missing and one for her expired plate sticker. (If you are doing the math right now, as shocking as it sounds Weregirl actually had her driver's license on her for once, so 3 tickets was all she got.)

The officer reminded her that she was lucky her story panned out and that she actually was coasting down the hill to save gas, otherwise he would have given her a speeding ticket as well, however he decided this time to let her off with a warning to slow down. Weregirl thanked him and Chip bid her A Dieu. As Weregirl watched the police car pull out from behind her and speed away, her car began to sputter. Sure enough she had been idling since Chip reluctantly poked his head into her
window for the second time. Weregirl listened closely to the sounds of the Fate God chanting his victory song "put, put, sputter, put, put" the car moved 4 feet and then died. The Fate God had won again. Weregirl was left alone and deserted on lakeshore boulevard with nothing but 3 tickets, a cell phone with a dead battery (yep, she always forgets to charge her phone) and a horribly cluttered and immobile car on the side of Lakeshore Boulevard.

Tune in next time to read what happens when Weregirl tries to fight the tickets at the Provincial Offenses office...