You're Fired!

I've been having fun telling old stories of late, so I'm going to continue on that theme again today.

This one is one of my favourites.

My first job after I left school (the first time...) was doing over the phone technical support for a little computer company near Toronto. We mostly sold to the southern US, so I spent a lot of time walking Americans through fixing various things. I hated that job. A lot. I hated it with the power of a thousand suns. But, it was my first real job and it put food on the table and paid the rent. I hated so many things about that job, including the commute. At the time of this story it was taking about two hours on transit (subway then bus) to get to work, but only an hour to get home, because a friend would give me a lift to the subway. This actually cut way more than an hour off my commute because I worked the 4pm to midnight shift, and bus service after midnight is almost negligible in that area late at night.

So, it was a normal day at work. I was sitting at my little station, fixing computers over the phone and quietly hating the fate that had placed me into this job. My driving friend walked up and told me that he had to leave an hour early that night. If I could leave then too I could still hitch a ride, otherwise I was on my own. I didn't like the idea waiting an eternity for the late night buses and since I hated the job leaving an hour early seemed like a great idea.

I went and spoke to boss #1 and asked if I could leave early. He wasn't sure, and suggested I go ask boss #2. I asked boss #2. He also wasn't sure and suggested I go ask boss #1. Clearly this was going nowhere and I didn't think it was worth the hassle. I dejectedly went back to my station and took a call.

In the meantime, boss #2 (who was actual the more senior boss) approached boss #1 and suggested that maybe it would be ok to "let CanadaDave go".

Boss #1 called me into his office and fired me. I asked why and he simply answered "performance".

Boss #1 had been recently promoted to boss level and was really eager to assert his authority. So, while I more seasoned boss might have questioned such an instruction, he just didn't. That boss #2 just wanted to let me leave early would not become clear until later.

So, I gathered my things, said goodbye to my co-workers and I left. The car ride to the subway passed quietly.

They say that after losing a job one goes through the same five stages of grief as when a loved one dies. I quickly went through all five on my train ride home.

1) Denial - This had all been some crazy mistake (which oddly enough was true..). Everything would get worked out in short order and I'd get my job back.

2) Anger - How dare they fire me?! I was the smartest guy in the building!!

3) Bargaining - I just want things back the way they were!

4) Depression - How am I going to feed myself and pay my rent? I'm doomed!

5) Acceptance - Y'know, I really hated that job. Maybe this is for the best.

I figured I'd take things slow the next day. I slept in... Lounged for a while... Then eventually went out and got some take out chicken for lunch.

When I got back, the little red light on my answering machine was blinking. I listened to the message. I was working that job through an employment agency and the rep for my company had apparently called...

"Uh... David, I understand that you left work yesterday under the impression that you were fired. This is not the case. We'd like it very much if you'd come back. Please give me a call as soon as you get this."

I later learned roughly what had happened at my place of work earlier that day.

In a meeting the two bosses were discussing potential promotions with a more senior boss. One who I got along pretty well with. When they listed the people who might potentially fill a certain position the senior boss noticed that my name was no longer on the list and asked why.

"Oh, we accidentally fired him yesterday"

"You did WHAT?!?" the senior boss demanded.

"Fired him. By accident" They replied, apparently happy to continue their lives as if nothing unusual had happened.

"Don't think there's something you should be doing about this?! ISN'T THERE SOMEONE YOU SHOULD BE CALLING?!?" Asked an astonished senior boss.

"Oh.. I guess so..."

So it came to be that I came back the next day, and we continued on like nothing had happened. The company also took that opportunity to do a review of their firing practices...

I got paid for the day I didn't show up because I thought I no longer worked there, and, as penitence of sorts, boss #1 promised to drive me to work for the next week.

Eventually that company went under, and to this day still owes me money (which I will never get). It was probably a good thing that it went under. I'd tried to quit a while before they did and they'd talked me out of it. I'd pretty much concluded that for me to leave that company, one of us had to die.

I'm pretty happy that it was the company that expired...