Student Funding

If you'd like to experience bureaucracy at it's finest, apply for a student loan in Ontario. The program is called the Ontario Student Assistance Program (OSAP).

Applying for OSAP is a kind of involved process...

Step 1: Log into the website linked above and fill out a lengthy form. An estimate on possible OSAP funding will be provided. Ignore this number, it doesn't really mean anything.

Step 2: After receiving an email, go back and look at new numbers. These are the real numbers. Their origin is a mystery.

Step 3: Print out pages from the website. Sign them and take them to the financial aid office. You do not receive any money at this point.

Step 4: After about a month, receive an email from student aid. Go back to the office, this time you need to see someone, so stand in line and wait. Get to the front of the line, present drivers license and social insurance card. Receive new papers, but no money.

Step 5: Take the new papers to the university cashier's office. Stand in a new line. Present student card and social insurance card. The university will mark on the papers how much they will be taking off the top for tuition, then stamp them. You must sign the new papers again at this point. Receive no money.

Step 6: Take stamped and signed new papers to the post office. Wait in line. Present student card, social insurance card and a void cheque. More stamping. More signing. Receive more new papers. Sign them roughly 8732 times. Leave the originals at the post office. Return home with copies of the papers and no money.

Step 7: Wait about a week or so. The money (the part the university didn't want) magically appears in your bank account. Yay! Money!

Step 8: Repeat every semester until you leave school one way or another.

I just did it for the fifth time, and it's still as much fun as ever.

There are a few possible variations in this process depending on a few factors. For instance, sometimes there are loans people in the student center and you can go stand in their line instead of the one at the post office.

I have no idea what the student loan process is like in other jurisdictions... Hypothetically it could be worse, but I don't want to think about that.